Bring Me Charcoal Flowers
by MakeMeCrazier
Summary: She'd finally landed a role to act. But it was on her own life. And who would want that? Now, everything will change.
1. Prequel

**Author's Note; ****Finn. x. Rachel pairing. Enjoy this story. It's different. I think the first chapter pretty much hints it all. It's actually set kind of in their Junior Year, in season 2. But I just kind of am flashing back to before. And I didn't make anything up at all. Research was involved.**

**

* * *

**

_**Bring Me Charcoal Flowers**_

_Prequel_

'_What am I without my hair?'_

Rachel Berry knew very well that without her voice, she could take up other professions such as acting or dancing. She knew that because of Finn. (The time he took her to his friend Sean's house.)

She sighed, and was sitting in the mirror in her room. Kurt was right. It did resemble a hook up between Strawberry Shortcake and Holly Hobby hook-up. She laughs bitterly and looks back in the mirror, with tear stung eyes.

She could be still talented without her hair, she knows that. But would people look at her the same? Would they still slushy her? Would it be a constant reminder of what she was going to go through?

* * *

**Two Weeks Earlier**

"_Til all my sleeves are stained red, from all the truth that I've said._" Rachel sang drawing it out, nice and steady, along with the rest of her fellow Glee members, who were all beside her huddled around the piano, like the family they are. "Come by it honestly, I swear. Thought you saw me wink, no I—" She's stopped from a rising in her throat that causes her to cough multiple times in a row. She reaches for the water that is sitting atop the piano, and they all look at her worriedly.

"Hey," Finn says gently, placing a hand on her back gently. "You alright?"

She smiles widely at her boyfriend, "Yeah, I just must be coming down with a cold."

* * *

Hah, if only she knew. Of course, being Rachel, she'd become paranoid about being sick. So she went to the doctors, with her fathers and they told her it wasn't an average cold, because she had no mucus or fevers, so it ruled out a flu as well. They decided to look into it more.

Her Dads shared had shared a worried expression, and she couldn't help but notice that this is why they were made for each other. They're faces (besides their actual physical appearances) looked _exactly_ the same.

She should have known that when she coughed up blood several days after the incident in the Glee room, something was wrong. And she did. So she went to her dads and told them that she had a really strange cough. (Her dream is to be an avid performer on Broadway, she doesn't focus too much on doctorates.)

Rachel also should have seen why it was heavier for her to breath in her ritual morning exercises, she just assumed (again) that her cough wanted her to take it easy. Or when she got her period, 10 days early for 3 days, and got it on her scheduled day again.

Yes, so how would she look without her hair?

Rachel Barbra Berry had been diagnosed with Leukemia. Specifically Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. But there's was no way in hell she wouldn't go down without a fight. That's where chemotherapy comes in. Her first session was scheduled in about two weeks.

The doctors came in, with a needle, and a grim expression.

"We have some theories, on what it may be. But first we have to take a blood sample." She remembered Dr. Hilaregro saying to her fathers and her.

After hearing two voices go back and forth, protesting her dads, she said, "Sure. Go ahead."

That stopped her fathers' rambling. "Look, I just want this thing to go away, okay?" She asks both of them. They nod quietly in response.

Then the doctor comes back. Says that she has leukemia, but it's only started so there's still hope.

It didn't feel like that though.

Her hair would disappear soon enough. Wigs would have to be worn. She'd finally landed a role to act. But it was on her own life. And who would want that?

She manages to stand up, and walk away from the mirror, and Rachel knows that all of the sudden…

Everything will change.


	2. Chapter One

**Author's Note: ****Yep, so here's Chapter 1. I have a good feeling about this story. Thanks for anyone's reviews that said so too. **** I haven't written in FOREVER. It's nice having that feeling that people are reading what you wrote! And, if someone wants me to read their stories of things… Let me know. I feel like I owe it! And if anyone asks, for the title name… I'm not sure what it means yet either. It just sounded cool. Haha. Enjoy. And again, if anyone asks, yes music will still be involved! Some Quinn and Rachel friendship involved. Songs used: Cancer - My Chemical Romance; Breathe - Ricki-Lee**

**

* * *

**

_**Bring Me Charcoal Flowers**_

_Chapter One_

How could someone like Rachel not love music? She still does, she always will. That's why she had the guts to search the word 'Cancer' in the YouTube search box. And now she's listening to a type of music she usually hates. Something with no vocal that matches her talent. But… maybe for once it wasn't about the vocals.

_'__Now turn away,__'Cause I'm awful just to see__.'_ Rachel hums along, but hits pause. She's not going to do this. She _will_ _not_ do this, this… self-pity and agony. It's pretty selfish. Right?

She stands up to change out of her pajamas, and into her normal everyday attire for her school. Rachel finally manages to pick out a denim overall dress with ¾ sleeves. She puts a brown belt around her waist and looks at the mirror, as she brushes her hair out. Oh her strong healthy hair. Ugh.

She walks through her bedroom door, picking up her bag with her school books. (_Should she even do her homework anymore?_) When she reaches the kitchen, both of her dads stop what they're doing to look at her. She frowns angrily. "Stop!" She shouts, surprising them both. "Just stop! I'm not some cripple yet, so don't look at me like that!"

"We're sorry, honey." Her taller father says looking at her. "We're just upset about it all."

She doesn't respond at all, but just manages to eat her breakfast thinking about her what her day at school will be like.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.**

She's at her locker, and she sees Finn walk down the hallway, with his iPod headphones in his ears, as he mouths the lyrics from 'All Fall Down' by One Republic. He had been rambling about how 'awesome and amazing' that song was. She can't help but smile at him.

He notices her and walks up to her, still mouthing the lyrics, and quietly sings it playfully to her. Rachel manages out a giggle, but feels like something's missing right now. Oh yeah, the truth.

"Hey," He says, putting his iPod away for now.

"Hi," She whispers, realizing how much she missed him over the weekend.

Speaking of weekends… "How was your weekend?" He says, smiling.

Hers, however, falters, and she furrows her eyebrows. "I have something to tell you." Rachel blurts out.

"What? Is everything okay? Is this about your cough?" Finn asks worriedly all at the same time.

She almost wants to cry but retains herself. "I..um…" She stops, and puts on a smile. "Just that, it's a cold that might last for a while. I just don't understand it. I take care of my hygiene like crazy!" She says, like the frustrated controlling Rachel she is.

He laughs, "Trust me, I know." She glares at him for that statement. "But… hey, everyone gets sick once in a while. Maybe because you don't get sick often, that's why this cold might be here for a while."

"Yeah.." She sighs, wishing it really was that simple. "Maybe…" Worry etches her face. "But what about Glee Club?" Rachel, mentally curses herself. Why would she not ask the doctors if it would affect her singing or not?

"Hey, I'll still love you if you can't sing for a few weeks. And I'm sure the club will be thrilled at their opportunity for solos." He smiles guiltily.

"Yeah." She says, distant.

He frowns, but lets it go. "Well, I'll see you later then, okay?"

"Sounds good." She manages to smile.

He's still frowning when he gets to his locker.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.**

"Hey," Finn says to Artie, confused. "Do you know what's going on with Rachel? She was acting… weird."

Artie raises his eyebrow, and checks to see if the teacher is rambling or focusing on the students. Rambling..sweet. "Do I look like Rachel's best friend? I think of all people, she would tell you." He says, as if it's obvious. "And plus, she could just have the P.M.S. or something. Girls are so weird when that happens."

Finn suppresses a laugh, "Haha, very true."

Mrs. Coyin looks at the boys sternly. "Is there anything you two young gentlemen want to share with the class?"

"No." They say guiltily. Stupid teachers.

"Very well. Keep it down then." She says, and continues to her rambling on why the planets revolve around each other. Just like he and Rachel do.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.**

Rachel walked through the hallway alone, her mind concentrating on other things, as her books were hugged tightly to her chest. Suddenly she feels a cold substance hit her like a slap, and she gasps at how cold it is. She looks at Karovsky who had thrown the blue slushy material in her face.

"Really?" She exclaims. "Still?"

He just smirks and walks away. She bent down the books she had dropped in the incident, and suddenly she slips on the slushy, and lands on her elbow. It suddenly feels excruciating pain, and she's on the floor, almost crying.

"OW!" She exclaims again, this time with agony.

Quinn walks up to her, slightly concerned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Rachel lets out in a raspy breath, holding back tears.

"No, seriously." Quinn demands.

"Help me up?" She chokes out, desperate.

"Yeah. Fine." Quinn holds out a hand, and Rachel grasps it with the arm that wasn't hurting.

"Want to get cleaned up?"

Rachel nods.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.**

"So…" Quinn states awkwardly, wiping hair free from the slushy.

"So…" Rachel pipes out too. "How's Sam?"

"He's good." She smiles.

"So things are –"

"Good. Yeah. It's all good." Quinn finishes for her.

It becomes quietly still, and the only noise is Rachel's not too good breathing. She hopes Quinn won't notice.

Suddenly Quinn gasps, "Rachel!" She sounds very worried, and has her eyebrows locked tightly together with alarm in her voice.

"What?" Rachel says, freaked out. "What happened?"

"Your—Your arm!" Quinn says, the expression on her face, not changing.

Rachel takes a look on her right arm, and sees a long purple bruise lining up along the elbow. She has horror and fear in her eyes as she flashes back to her doctor the first time.

"_Symptoms of leukemia, may include the following: bleeding gums, bone pain or tenderness, __**easy bruising**__, excessive or prolonged bleeding…" He rambled on._ But how could she forget? EASY BRUISING!

"Oh my god," Rachel lets out a whisper, and a tear escapes her eye, making her cheeks feel hot.

"Did you really hit the floor that hard?" Quinn asks apprehensive. "Do you need a hospital?"

"NO!" Rachel almost rages at her last suggestion. "No, I.. I don't need anything. I'm…fine." She lets a sob escape her lips on accident.

"Rachel…" She says pissed but wary now. "What the hell's going on?"

"I'm…sick." She says, thinking she'll explain more when she can compose herself.

"What kind of… sick?"

"C-can—"

"No." Quinn says, denying it all. "No way. You can't have.."

Rachel pathetically nods, and for the first time she sobs about it. "Leukemia."

She's crying too now, and looks at Rachel with sympathy. "Oh my god."

"Does Finn know?" She butts in, causing Rachel to frown.

"He's suspicious, so I'm going to have to tell him soon. But at the moment, he doesn't know. I found out Saturday." She says, calmly for once. Suddenly she's utterly, life or death serious. "You can't tell _ANYONE_. I don't care what the Glee club says, or asks. As of today, you and Finn and my fathers will be the only people who will know. I may become weak, but I can still be cruel. Got it?" Rachel says threateningly.

"Hey…" Quinn says, gently. "You're gonna need a friend through all of this. And remember how you were nice to me even when I was saying I was pregnant with the guy you loved? I'll repay you now." She chokes out.

Rachel can't speak, but mouths a 'Thank-you' to her. "Can I have a long sleeved sweater?"

She nods, and Quinn is still struck with shock even as they leave the room.

They bump into Finn who looks at them strangely that Rachel and Quinn had just left the bathroom together. And he's more concerned on why Quinn has stained cheeks, and his girlfriend is looking at the floor with all the seriousness her face could muster.

"What's wrong?" He asks, again.

"I'll tell you later. Let's go to Glee, for now." She says, the same emotions etched on her features.

"Okay," He says, still confused, but glad that she'll tell him later.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.**

Quinn is already in the choir room, when Finn and Rachel walk into the room together. She suddenly raises her hand.

"Mr. Schue?" She says.

"Yes, Quinn?" He says, surprised in her input.

"I have a song I'd like to sing."

"A duet?" Sam whispers, nudging her with a suggestive smile.

"No, sorry." She whispers to him.

"Okay, go ahead, Quinn."

She stands up, and brushes her Cheerio uniform, and looks at Rachel for a split second.

"Uhm, dedicated to…" She looks at Rachel, who is slightly glaring. She clears her own throat. "No one, it's just for fun!" She says with a laugh and fake smile.

She leans over to Tom, the piano guy, and whispers if he has a song in his folder of sheet music.

He nods, replying how he is half-Australian. She really could care less.

'_Where do all the lonely people go?__  
__Friends they thought they knew don't want to know_

_Try to find a place to hide as they're falling to their knees__  
__Someone, catch them, please__'_

_'Everybody Hurts, Everybody Aches__  
__Everybody Falls Everybody Breaks__  
__Just Breathe, Let it out and, Breathe__  
__Everybody Cuts Everybody Bleeds__  
__Every hidden scar is justified__  
__So Breathe, let it out and, Breathe, just Breathe'_

_'Can you feel the circus in your head?__  
__Don't you know you're easily misled__  
__Stand up if you give a damn, it's slowly killing you__' _Rachel looks around the room, hoping no one catches on.  
_Don't you, feel it, too?__  
__'Everybody Hurts Everybody Aches__  
__Everybody Falls Everybody Breaks__  
__Just Breathe, Let it out and, Breathe' _Mercedes and Tina join in with the chorus, and Santana sits stubbornly in the background, almost gagging at the affection in this room._  
__Everybody Cuts Everybody Bleeds__  
__Every hidden scar is justified__  
__So Breathe, let it out and, Breathe, just Breathe__.'_

They finish off lovely, and laugh with each other at the fun they had. Quinn catches Rachel's eye for a split second who nods in appreciation, neither noticing Finn looking back and forth at them extremely confused.

"Let's go." Finn says, angrily, thankfully taking a grip on her right arm, which was not bruised. She stands up stubbornly, and knows he's slightly pissed now.

They end up in the auditorium, where they somehow usually end up. She walks away from him, not leaving, but just not facing him.

"Well?" He says, behind her. Anxious, but demanding.

"I'm… I'm…" She sobs, and he can tell by the noise, and the way her shoulders rock up and down. Finn walks behind her, and brushes her arms lightly from behind her, before holding her waist tightly, and he puts his head on her shoulder lovingly. She turns around, and sobs into his shirt, with her hand clumped his shirt in a fist.

"Just… Just tell me what's going on." He says, worried and sincere now, brushing her hair lightly with his hand.

"I'm more than just… sick." She says, looking up in his eyes. He's still confused and waits for her to continue.

"I…I was diagnosed on Saturday… with… Leukemia." She whispers the last word out.

He stops breathing for a minute.

"Excuse me?"

* * *

**Ahh, I know. Cliffhanger. I need people to read this story though, and become pure HOOKED. xD Hope you liked how it's coming out so far.**

**x.x**

**MMC**


	3. Chapter Two

**Author's Note:**** Ahh, I have a good feeling about this story, don't you? (At the risk of not sounding cocky at all here.)  
Oh, SHOUTOUT! To….. *insert drum roll here* unGRACEful for suggesting the song 'Breathe' by Ricki-Lee for Quinn to sing. I was having a hard time deciding which song would be perfect from Quinn's position. So thank you! And check out her stories if you're interested in SWAC!  
I'm going to try to focus on the other characters too. It's a little hard though since I'm a recent Glee fan. Artie's pretty awesome though, huh?  
Okay, Moving On. Here's Chapter Two. I kind of left the last Chapter as a cliffhanger. Here goes. Kind of Finn's Point Of View. Also here's a recap.**

* * *

**Recap:**

_"I…I was diagnosed on Saturday… with… Leukemia." She whispers the last word out._

_He stops breathing for a minute._

_"Excuse me?"_

* * *

_**Bring Me Charcoal Flowers**_

_Chapter Two_

The silence was deafening. It was taunting, allowing the only noise to be heard that of their heartbeats. They didn't move. They couldn't move.

Baby steps.

Slow movement of a step, that backs away from the truth.

Baby steps.

Tear filled eyes that taunt him, threatening him inside his head in a distant tone; _'I'm going to fall! I'm going to fall!'_

It's not like she's telling the truth. She never does. Lies, **lies**, _lies_, right? It was all a big lie. Was she afraid of losing him again? Was that it? Was it not enough when he told her just this morning that he was going to be in love with her, even if she doesn't have her voice? No, no. That was a lie. This is…. He's not sure.

He steps back again, and lifts his hands up slowly and brokenly, as if to protest. She's crying there in front of him, probably wanting to reach for him, but doesn't know if she can.

"No." It cracks mid-way through as he says it, and the tear falls. It fell. The threat was real. She was real. This was… This is real. "No." He says again, not wanting to believe it. She's lying! They're all lying to him! Again! Except… she's not. And they're not. Right?

"Finn…" She says helplessly, wanting more. They always want more.

"No." He repeats, and puts his hands through his hair, wanting to pull it out. Metaphorically wanting to pull himself out. Pull himself out of this… mess.

He doesn't know how he does it, and he doesn't know why he does it, but somehow he manages to move his feet again, and away from her. Away from the truth she held. And all of the sudden, he doesn't see her anymore. He was out the door, back in the crowded hallway where everything moved quickly around him. He forgets that his eyes are full of tears, and walks to his locker, slowly moving as he enters the combination and pulls down on the lock.

Finn lets out a shaky breath, and opens his locker. He only sees and takes one thing. His keys. He really doesn't care too much that Kurt won't have a ride home, or that he'd be skipping Glee club and Spanish and every other class. He doesn't take his backpack, or his jacket. And walks just looking at one thing. The door. He's getting out of here, whether people like or not.

He can feel the eyes looking at him, whispering, he can't pay attention to what they're saying nor does he want to. He feels a cold hand brush his arm, and is snapped out of his daze. Quinn looks at him. She knows. She told Quinn of all people and not him. No… That's not what's hurting him right now, and he knows it.

It stings only because she's looking at him with pity, knowing that… he'd rather have her be pregnant by Puck or anything. As long as she doesn't _leave_.

She opens her mouth, but he pulls away from her touch. The expression on his face that hadn't changed still doesn't. Shock, tears, and disbelief. He reaches the door, and pushes on it so that the cold Ohio bipolar weather slaps his face. Just like everything else did today.

He gets in the car and drives. That's the only thing he's feeling right now. The car's engine beneath him rumbling and moving, as the wheels hit a bump or two along the way. He's not completely cliché. He's not going to drive away from everything, or run off into the wild. Instead, he just drives home.

Finn opens the side door, and hears the phone ring inside. He doesn't know if it's _her _or anything, but the ringing stops, and that's when Finn realizes somebody's home.

He walks in even further, before realizing schools aren't that easy to skip out of these days. This was the 21st century. He can't just walk out and expect no reaction.

"Finn?" He hears Burt's voice, instead of his mom's. And he's actually a little glad. He doesn't want a female presence at all right now. "Is that you?"

He still can't speak though. And it feels a little pathetic. "Explain to me why I just got a phone call saying you—" Burt stops his sentence, when he sees Finn, with that _**goddamn**_ expression.

And he opens his mouth. Finally. "I—" But no words can come out. Nothing comes out…except more tears. "I can't—" He can't speak. It hurts. So instead, he just walks away, (like he did before) and to his room.

He's in the basement, and he sets his keys down on his nightstand. Since the basement was big, and he and Kurt had to share, there was a privacy screen across the middle of the room…technically making it two separate bedrooms.

He takes of his shoes slowly, his movements not coordinating with his heart rate. He lies down, and looks at the white blank ceiling, which explains exactly how he feels.

He doesn't move at all. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if someone came in and thought he was dead. Other than the signal of his heart and his breathing, he is. He finally notices that something was wet on his bed spread. He looks to the side, before realizing they're his own salty tears that were running down his cheeks for who knows how long.

He turns to his clock, and sees that it's already six o'clock. (Has he really been on the bed for that long?) He moves a little to reach for his keys again, that were tempting. (Again.)

He stands up, and walks up the stairs and to the front door, not really looking towards the dining room where Kurt, Burt, and his mom were eating dinner. He hears two of them call his name. One of them is angry, and he can guess it's his mom. The other is humorous, guessing Kurt. But he walks through the front door, ignoring them all again.

He's not sure where he's going this time, and he drives to the school, seeing that there was a freshman basketball game going on, but that's not why he's there. He avoids the ticket stands, and walks down the hallway he knows so well.

Finn's never seen the choir room at so dark at night. He sees a light though in the smaller room that broke off of it.

He sits on the floor risers, not bothering for the chair, and he's still freaking crying.

"Finn?" He hears a soft voice call out. For second, he's thinking it's his dad. Yeah, naïve. But then he realizes it's pretty damn close.

Mr. Schuster is standing in front of his office, seeing that the boy was huffed over and crying.

He walks over to Finn, and sits beside him, waiting for the teen to speak.

It's the second time Finn cries in his arms, and it hurts even worse.

Because it hits him.

And it hits him hard.

Rachel has leukemia.

She has leukemia and there's a chance that she might die.

She might _**die**_. Did you hear that?

"Rachel…" He says pulling away from the man that gave him a fatherly relationship he never had. The name comes out like a soft cry, and as a start of a sentence at the same time. "She…"

"Finn," Mr. Schuster says, honest and brutal at the same time. "Spit it out."

"Leukemia." He says clearly, knowing that's all he really needs to say.

The teacher doesn't gasp dramatically, or say the lies of everything's going to be alright.

"How long?" Instead, he asks.

"Saturday." Finn still feels pathetic that all he can say are one-worded answers. He knew he was never good with words.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. She told me." He says blankly, tears still falling. He stops, and wipes at them with the back of his hand sloppily. He finally stops, and lets out a breath.

"And—" Finn stutters, and takes in the air around him. "And I walked away."

"Why would you do that, Finn?" Mr. Schuster says actually trying to understand why.

"I didn't want to face—"

"The truth?" Mr. Schuster asks, before sighing. "Finn, you need to be there for her. Every moment from here on out should be treasured. You love her more than Quinn, and this is way worse than being pregnant. So yes, it's going to hurt a lot more. But if you really love her… you have to do it."

"Her life is so valuable. She's worth so much, and can be so much." Finn says, realizing none of this makes sense.

"It doesn't make sense." He says, reading his mind. "I know. And it never will. But you will have to accept it."

"She's… everything." The restless broken boy admits. "I can't lose…everything."

"And maybe you won't." He replies. "You have to see it this way. There's two ways it can go down. She can die—" Finn hisses sharply in pain, just by hearing that. "Or she can live."

"Don't lose all your faith." He finally says. "Now, I think you should be getting home. Do you need a ride?" The teacher asks.

He shakes his head 'No', and then nods in agreement to the fact that he needs to get home. He's still not too sure about the 'faith' part.

But one thing he knows for sure… Mr. Schuster was right. It was going to hurt. A lot.


End file.
